Life Without Toast - Sibling Rivalry

I was in Galway on the weekend with two of my four roomies, or roomdawgs if you please, and when we got home on Sunday evening we found a plate with toast crusts on the doorstep and a teacup, we thought that the lads had gone mad, actually mad, we were trying to figure out how this had happened, thought that they were taking the piss etc, but neither of them were there, so basically we left it there till they got home / up. Conor aka: Ricky B was up first (was on the old night shift in the baby factory) and he explained what had happened. It sounds like an unbelievable tale, but it true, this is the story of the Mutant Ninja Bum, Conor got home at approx 8.10am on Sunday after a night of hard work and saw someone sitting slouched on our doorstep, thinking that it was one of us for a split second he started to laugh, but then realising that none of us were there, he soon copped on, ?don?t get out of the car? he told himself, sohe reversed and saw what was an old lady bum, with strips of black fabric all wrapped around her face (like a ninja apparently!) so she was fucked basically, all over the shop and had blood on her face and smelled like wee, and was shaking and soaking wet, so he went to the garage across the road, got some ingredients, and made her brekki, he didn?t bring her inside (smelled like wee remember) and some tea and gave her his favourite jumper (sheesh!) and was the best ever good Samaritan ever! So he went off to bed and then she was gone. Flick to Monday morning, she is there again, I opened the door and almost stood on her, she scared the bejasus out of me, started telling me that she lived there and why would no one let her in (obviously lost her marbles) I felt so terrible but was already mad late for work and that (stayed up talking shite till 4.20am) so I had to run past her, this was after screaming from the shock. Then the other roomies also got scared when they were leaving. But seeing as we didn?t feed her, we thought that was the end of it. No sign on Tuesday, then on Wednesday I was off, so was Eimear and Conor was in at 8am, at approx 7.15 Conor was banging on my door and me in my sleepy hazy dreamy state was all ?I am NOT IN TODAY MAN!!!!!!? and he was like ?can I come in pleeeease!!? so I said yeah and he jumped in the door almost landing on me and whispering ?the bum, the bum, the bum is outside what am I going to do I have to go to work, help me?, apparently she was banging on the door and scratching at it and ringing the doorbell all night, (I love the way these things don?t even wake me up!!) so we decided that he should jump over the back wall into Tesco underground carpark, good idea? No it wasn?t!!! He was covered in old leaves and other jazz and there was a beat cop looking at him, then me and Eimear went onto my balcony and started to flap about in our jammies, then we saw a beat cop (yeah same one!) and alerted her by jumping up and down and pointing, she got rid of said bum and then knocked on the door, she came into the house, and told us that she thinks the bum has some ?psychological issues? as she said that she lived in our house and was waiting on the bus and loads of other stuff, she hasn?t been back since but every time I open the door I think she will be there. She is scary looking but I would say fairly harmless, apart from the fact that she has been weeing on our doorstep and that!! Erk!