Life Without Toast - Sibling Rivalry

I am a person who hates getting things wrong. I rarely will admit defeat. I hate my friends who take days to reply when I communicate by phone, text or email, because I am always on the ball in that way. I hate being on my own when indoors. I get bored of anything really easily. I have never studied in my whole life. I have a somewhat photographic memory. This scares the bejasus out of me as I can remember everything no matter how drunk I am. Sometimes, you really just don’t want to remember. I wear my heart on my sleeve. This is one of my most loathed characteristics. I love housework. I wash my car every two weeks wax and polish it. My friends think this is mental. My car is my most favourite possession I have ever owned. I over analyse most situations. I talk way too much. Sometimes I even talk to myself. I know this is supposed to be the first sign of madness but I don’t really care. I am a serious Home and Away fan, and yes I do realise how sad this makes me. I sing for about an hour every single day. It is one of my dreams to be able to sing soprano but I know it will never happen cause my voice is too feckin husky. Apparently this is a good thing. Most of my best friends have never met each other because I have picked them up in random places. I generally tend to not trust people on first meeting them. This is because I used to trust way too much and got fucked over too many times by “friends”. I don’t actually know how many pairs of shoes I own…but I would say well over a hundred. I have worn every single pair of them at least twice though. I have things in my wardrobe that I have never worn but couldn’t leave them on the rail because I knew I would need them one day. I miss wearing shorts all the time since I came home from Australia. No matter how many times I have been told I am beautiful I will never believe it. If I could change one thing about myself if would be my shitty skin. Even though I wear size 10 skinny jeans I will always think of myself as a porker after I went through a fat phase just after I did my Leaving Cert. I haven’t really grown in any proportion since I was 11, that’s height, shoe, dress and bra size. This is bewildering to a lot of people. When I was in Australia I nearly drowned and it scared me so much that I haven’t been into the sea since, I only told one person that until now. I think I may be mildly obsessed with books written by recovering addicts. I really want to go back to college but I am too scared of being poor again. I am scared of dogs even though I have never been bitten. I am scared of the dark because anything could be out there. Sometimes I don’t sleep for days, I just lie there thinking about things. I miss people when I don’t see them for mere hours sometimes. I have lots of pretty dresses but mostly you will see me in jeans and t-shirts. I used to be able to sit on my hair until about 2 years ago. I have been known to vomit from shock or from becoming hysterically upset. It takes a lot to get me to that place. Most of my friends are boys. I find it easier to get along with them. I wish I could be arsed to get fit. I always wanted a baby brother or sister and was always jealous of my own siblings because they had one in me. Even though my Dad was away a lot when I was little I never remember him not being there. One of my earliest memories is staring into my cousins eyes and blinking at them for what seemed like hours. It was probably about 20 seconds. I have always wanted to learn to play an instrument but never did. The habit I hate most about myself is that I chew at my fingers when I am nervous or anxious or upset or bored. I have done this ever since I was about 8. I used to have lots of facial piercings and now I have none apart from pearl earrings. I can’t remember any of them being particularly painful. Once when I was about 7 I put one of Rebecca’s contact lenses in my eye and couldn’t get it out for about an hour – panic stations! I fall for people way too easily. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my whole life was a lightening storm beside me while on a plane to Perth. Most people on the plane were freaking out. I was just amazed as was the boy sitting beside me.